[open] just your usual info gathering about weird cosmic hotels

[laevateinns]

Username/Display Name: a/akechi
Server Channel: #general
Time: 12:17am

[ akechi isn't particularly fond of reaching out to people in the hotel, but... he's realized it may actually be his best source of information, so he's biting the bullet and posting to the network. he Actually Tries to be polite about it all, so his message is chill. ]

Hello, all.

Since I've arrived here I've been exploring the place, but since it really is so huge... I was hoping I could gather some information from the rest of you.

I'd appreciate hearing about the various floors or rooms you've come across and what was in them. The strangest things you've seen, even.

There's only so much I can discover on my own, unfortunately, and I know that people have had... experiences, to say the least.

Comments

[laevateinns]

Are you implying there's an IKEA floor.

[unliminal]

buddy
i'm not just implying it

[laevateinns]

Incredible. [ hard to tell through text but it is FLAT. ]

However, my room already has everything it needs, so…

[ akechi that is so not the point. and even if it was… you don’t have BLAHAJ. ]

[unliminal]

[ Oh, he can feel the flatness... ]

i super doubt that
besides you just admitted you haven't tried the meatballs soooooo

[laevateinns]

I doubt they're THAT good.

[ even if he is, maybe, intrigued a little,, ]

[unliminal]

it's LITERALLY impossible for you to know until you try them~!

[ will FOMO work on this little freak ]

[laevateinns]

[ NO... HE'S USING LITERALLY CORRECTLY, EVEN... THIS IS HELL ]

Fine then. For the sake of argument, I'll go and try them.

What floor is it?

[ because even if FOMO is working on this TREND-CHASING (FOR CLOUT) GUY, he can still just do it alone... right?? ]

[unliminal]

i'm not gonna tell youuuuu~
then you'll just go without me
meet me at the first floor elevator and i'll take you there

[ He isn't above goading him, either. Also please write about the IKEA meatballs on your food blog, Akechi. ]

[laevateinns]

[ THIS ASSHOLE-- ]

Are you that attached to the idea of introducing people to IKEA? I highly doubt they do recommendation discounts at THIS hotel.

[ UGH... tragically he is indeed intrigued enough to agree. he can always try and ditch the guy once he gets there; ikea is supposed to be huge, right? ]

Fine. Take me to the IKEA floor.

[ he will, in fact, meet him at the first floor elevator looking TOTALLY ANNOYED about it. ]

[unliminal]

[ Yeah, sure, try and ditch him when you get there, Akechi...it will totally work out!!! :) ]

you won't regret it~!

[ He totally will. ]

okey dokey meet you there in 10!!!

[laevateinns]

[ he is ALREADY REGRETTING IT.

UGH.

...he does not answer. but he arrives punctually anyway, leaning against the wall moodily with his arms crossed. ]

[unliminal]

[ Aaaaand — pop! With absolutely no fanfare at all, Gojo teleports into being right in front of Akechi, wearing a pair of dark sunglasses, hands casually in the front pockets of his jacket. ]

Oi! You're Akechi-kun, I take it? Hope you're ready to have your mind blown.

[ Whatever happens, Gojo will make sure his first visit to IKEA is definitely an...experience. ]

[laevateinns]

[ akechi does not jump or startle at the teleport.

he doesn't

...okay he does, a little, but he tries so hard to play it off. ]

I'll try to contain myself, yes. [ he says flatly, eyes lingering on the dude's sunglasses.

inside?? really?? ]

[unliminal]

[ Yes, inside, and he wears them at night, too, he's very cool. ]

Hmmm...you wanna take the long, boring way, or the quick, fun way? Heh...

[ They can take the elevator like a bunch of chumps, or...they can leave the way he arrived! His teleportation accepts passengers. ]

[laevateinns]

[ THE COOLEST...

akechi squints at him openly and suspiciously.

he already has an idea of what the quick, fun way might involve... and it kind of sounds like a challenge. ]

The quick way, of course. [ he announces decisively. ]

[unliminal]

Attaboy! Okey-dokey, let's get those meatballs! Ehe...

[ With no other preamble than that, a wicked grin flashes on his face, and he reaches over to set a hand on Akechi's shoulder. As soon as they do so...pop! They disappear from in front of the first floor elevators, and reappear in the lobby of an IKEA.

It may be a bit disorienting to teleport from one place to another, but it's a fairly smooth ride, all things considered. Letting his hand drop away from Akechi's shoulder, Gojo takes a step back to clap his hands over his head. ]

Here we are! IKEA: Hotel Caelum! Way better than taking the elevator, huh?

[laevateinns]

[ MEATBALLS... god, he forgot about the meatballs somehow. why the fuck are people eating at a furniture store!! he can't believe he's never reviewed this food, but-- maybe it's too ~mainstream~. that's what he'll go with.

he's thinking about this when the teleportation happens, which means he's completely unprepared for it, and. smoother than an elevator as it is, he's left fucking reeling at the end of it, arms almost pinwheeling and stomach churning as he tries to adjust to being somewhere completely different.

it's... similar, but not, to the transfer to the metaverse, but-- holy shit. what even. ]

...Ugh. [ is all he can say at first. ]

[unliminal]

[ Yeah, it can be a disorienting the first time, huh? Gojo's expression remains flashy and cheeky, but he doesn't comment on it further for now. He didn't puke, so that's something to be proud of!

Still, he's not about to wait around for Akechi to get his bearings forever, so shortly thereafter: ]

Soooo, where to first? Wanna shop? Pretend you live in a tiny apartment? Try the world-famous meatballs? Oooor maybe...you'd like to see the daycare?

[ Yes. It's here, too. ]

[laevateinns]

[ oh, he's close to throwing up. it's probably only through pure willpower!! (or luck) that he doesn't, and then there are questions being thrown at him and-- oh, god.

he shakes his head, tries to right himself. ]

I believe we came here for the meatballs, didn't we?

[unliminal]

Ehhhh, technically, but are you sure your tummy-tum can handle that right now? You're looking a little unwell, buddy.

[ The only thing worse than barfing after teleportation would be barfing after eating IKEA meatballs after teleportation. But if Akechi insists, then it's his funeral! ]

[laevateinns]

[ TUMMY-TUM??? TUMMY-TUM??? IS HE A CHILD

akechi huffs!! draws himself up, shoving down any hint of discomfort DEEP DEEP INSIDE. he has practice, it's fine. ]

I'll be fine. It's just meatballs. And that's why we're here, so... why delay?

[unliminal]

[ "It's just meatballs", famous last words. But if he's sure, then Gojo isn't going to be the responsible adult here! ]

Okey-dokey, if you say soooo!

[ He turns towards the store's cafeteria and waves for Akechi to follow him. It's quite loud...lots of plates and silverware clacking together and chairs scooting in and out. It's busy! Where did all these people even come from... ]

[laevateinns]

[ why is is so busy in here? what the hell.

akechi's no stranger to crowds, so it doesn't throw him off too much. he strides forward confidently... before realizing he doesn't actually know where the meatballs are specifically.

why were there so many food options? ]

Why are there so many food options? [ at a furniture store???? listen, akechi's followed some weird trends, especially where food is concerned, but he just can't say he thought this would be a solid business practice. ]

[unliminal]

If you were willing to go look at the rest of the store, you might realize why...

[ Because it's a literal fucking maze meant to trap you until you're starving and delirious, leaving with meatballs and Billy Bookcase. Expecting Akechi to follow, Gojo heads to the cafeteria-style line, grabbing a tray.

To the staff working on the other side of the partition: ]

A double order of meatballs, please! Oh — and a slice of that chocolate cake, too. It's to die for... [ To Akechi: ] So are the pancakes, but you at least gotta get the meatballs!

[laevateinns]

[ akechi's HANDS TIGHTEN AROUND HIS TRAY before he SMILES BRIGHTLY. ]

Oh, no thank you. The meatballs will be just fine. [ he says, CHEERFULLY, ]