The Doctor is IN

[healbuff]

Username/Display Name: un: rkwan/ river k.
Server Channel: #general
Time: Afternoon

YO HOTEL CAELUM WHAT IS UUUUUUPPPppp 🤟👊👏

For those of you who haven't met me, I'm River Kwan, 26/male/fit as hell. Just sayin' 'sup to my fellow guests and dishing out the real important news 😎

I've been sitting on it, but the circumstances with the lava and ice floors, make it pretty clear that major injuries are very likely if the hotel goes whack. No easy vacations for us 😔😔

But, I'm about to BLOW YOUR MINDS 🤯🤯🤯 You got a sprained ankle? Headaches? Experiencing weird symptoms? Any major broken bones or wounds from a possible skeleton army raising itself from Hell into space to destroy us all? Okay, that last bit is just me making shit up but you never know.

LUCKILY, I'm a healer. As long as you don't lose your limbs or other body parts, I can use my powers to heal any major injuries you may incur during your stay here. I'm also a licensed doctor (General Practitioner to be exact) so if you would like a basic physical and wellness check, look out for THIS handsome mug:



LMK if you have any questions! You can message me @ rkwan or find me in Room 302! Try not to lose any bodyparts, don't do major drugs, and make good choices 😘

Comments

[verkelmpt]

That's really cool.

Sorry, I hope that didn't come off as condescending or shitty or anything. I just thought it was genuinely impressive. And that's not even counting the psychic stuff, which is pretty cool too.

[healbuff]

Nah, it's good to have a healthy dose of suspicion
Not the kind that makes you try weird home remedies that are obviously bad like eating a spoonful of borax
But you know, not taking everything at face value

[verkelmpt]

Do people really do that?

[healbuff]

bro, sometimes people are on the speedrun to the pearly gates and there's nothing i, a doctor who says, don't eat fucking borax, can do about it 💀

though thankfully, my usual patient base aren't that hopeless and there's good reason to be suspicious of the medical system if it's failed you through various factors that work against you

but at least don't eat borax!

[verkelmpt]

[ See, Evan has definitely spent a lot of time around folks who were suspicious of organizations and institutions and government in general, but even though they lived off the grid, at least they knew not to poison themselves. ]

I don't suppose you'd be comfortable with giving something like basic first-aid sessions or something, would you?

Not that I'm trying to disparage your abilities or anything, but I think it'd be useful for folks to be able to triage stuff on their own so you're not overwhelmed.

[healbuff]

Nah bro, that's actually a really good idea!
Everyone can use some basic first-aid and CPR to boot.

[verkelmpt]

I'd totally be game for something like that, if you'd be willing

But obviously no pressure. Don't want to cut into your vacation time, after all.

[healbuff]

Yeah, I'm willing. Definitely gotta get more from the vacay first like you said. There's the people who don't come from nebulously "modern" times to consider to, so gotta make the lessons easy to understand.

[verkelmpt]

Yeah... I get that.

Where I'm from, the magic users have isolated themselves from the modern world so much that they're barely aware of indoor plumbing. I don't know how you'd even begin to explain things like germ theory or the human circulatory system

[healbuff]

Hahahahaha


oh wait you're serious?
Damn I'm pretty sure the magic people in my world are aware of indoor plumbing even though some are isolated

[verkelmpt]

Yeah no completely serious. They're more or less willfully uninformed of the goings-on in the modern, non-magical world, which is frankly concerning.

But yeah all that to say, I get how potentially difficult it would be to have to teach to the lowest common denominator

[healbuff]

okay but like hear me out





does that mean they don't know about instant ramen

[verkelmpt]

The majority of the magical population? Probably not.

But we just got the magical kitchen at our school to figure out how to make McRibs, so I bet with time enough we could teach it to make Top Ramen or Cup Noodles...

[healbuff]

BRO
No offense to top ramen or cup but like
teach that damn magical kitchen of yours to make Shin Ramyun
the actual GOOD stuff

[verkelmpt]

Sorry, um.

What's Shin Ramyun?

[healbuff]

oh, fr again??? well it's fine, shin ramyun's a type of Korean instant noodles

link here

pretty spicy, noodles are slightly thicker and higher quality
really customizable
you gotta try it and you will have your eyes OPEN

[verkelmpt]

Oh wow that looks really good... I don't think I've ever seen that.

I'm from Millersburg, Iowa, though, so there's not a lot of variety when it comes to food. Unless you like different kinds of burgers.

[healbuff]

Gotcha! I'm from California so we're kinda flush with all sorts of stuff that I've probably taken for granted. Including burgers

that said, as a doctor, I would advise you not to just live on ramen and burgers. just putting that out there

[verkelmpt]

No need to worry, I'm keeping track of what I'm eating.

[ Mostly out of habit. Because he needs to know how much food to eat so he doesn't starve. ]

But yeah I'm also open to trying new stuff... My friend Dream liked to tease me about ordering really basic stuff from the school kitchen like burgers and sandwiches. And in my defense, those are just the things I'm used to.

[healbuff]

Well, we're in a hotel full of awe and wonders so I bet they have everything and more. If you ever wanna do a food tour, hit me up, bro. There's still a ton of stuff I haven't tried yet and we could explore together!

[verkelmpt]

Oh, that could be fun, yeah. I appreciate the offer.

I'm Evan Kelmp, by the way.

[ In case that wasn't obvious from his screen name. ]

[healbuff]

A pleasure to meet you, Evan my man 🤜
HMU if you need a checkup or a medical consultation if you're worried about yourself, kay?

[verkelmpt]

Yeah, absolutely. And again, I appreciate you being willing to offer your services. If you ever decide on doing that first-aid thing, I'd be excited to sign up.

[ oh man. Emojis. Don't panic, Evan. You can pick an appropriate one.

Oh! A matching hand! ]

🤛

[ nailed it ]