so about the espresso

[cardsharked]

Username/Display Name: un: vierge / dn: odette
Server Channel: #general
Time: Late October, right after the espresso heist

Figure some of you might be wondering what the fuck happened to the espresso machine.

Well, I like at least one of you, so I’m willing to share the scoop.

Astarion the Victorian orphan trapped in a grown man’s body and some blond guy I haven’t seen around before broke the damn thing trying to lift it. Literally and figuratively. Dropped it a few feet from the door in the middle of grand theft bean.

I gathered anyone missing their fix would appreciate the heads up. You see Astarion or that tentacle-wielding lug around, be sure to thank em for making mornings more interesting. I’d like to personally extend my thanks to blondie, too, so if you know who around here can do that kind of kraken shit, don't be shy.

And if you think they’re just gonna replace the machine, you’re dead wrong. Bennet put up a cute little “pardon our mess” card, so we’re SOL. What's a girl to do?

Comments

[survivaltricks]

bullshit.

you're just trying to freak people out.

[him. he's the target of this attack]

[unliminal]

you don't believe me?
tell me where you're at and i'll teleport in front of you right now
I am so serious

[ his PRIDE is on the line! ]

[survivaltricks]

[jiiiii]

in the cafeteria, in front of the espresso machine's sadly empty space

1/2

[unliminal]

Okie-dokie!!! See you in a sec!

2/2

[unliminal]

[ Literally one second later, appearing out of nowhere in front of the espresso machine memorial: ]

Ta-da!!!! Give it up! For the one and only!!! Gojo Satoru!!!!

[survivaltricks]

[. . . okay so he was 99% convinced this guy was lying? so he didn't really expect anyone to show up??]

[and Gojo's sudden appearance incites his fight-or-flight response, with the needle swinging heavily towards fight]

[so anyway, aiming a startled punch at Gojo's face]

[unliminal]

[ ...Oh.

The punch will collide with something, but it's not quite Gojo's face. Instead, it's the handy infinite void of space surrounding his body.

From behind that wall of infinity: ]

Nice hook! Almost had me. C'mon, c'mon! Throw another!

[survivaltricks]

[recoils at the impact, immediately rubbing at his knuckles as he stares at the infinite void of space occupying Gojo's place in the world]

[. . .]






What the fuck?

[unliminal]

— Heyyyy, language! You can't just say shit like that.

[survivaltricks]

[THAT'S WHAT HE WORRIES ABOUT??]

I can, you just don't want me to. Which is a weird bone to pick, by the way.

[continues rubbing his knuckles]

. . . so you really can teleport. . .

[unliminal]

Yup. So now you have to believe me that I checked every floor of this place for espresso.

[ He absolutely does not. ]

[survivaltricks]

No I don't.






And I still don't.

[believe him, that is]

[unliminal]

You can't prove I didn't.

[survivaltricks]

. . . thaaaat's not how it works.

[mimes taking another swing at him, but he moves slowly and whiffs the air on purpose]

[unliminal]

Sure it is. What sensei says goes! Haven't you ever heard that saying?

[ That's a terrible saying. ]

[survivaltricks]

Nope.

[oh. what a blunt response]

I don't listen to sayings made up on the spot by espresso machine thieves.

[unliminal]

Eh.

[ Ah, the jig is up... ]

Technically, I had no part in stealing it. Astarion just did it to pay me back for a favor.

[survivaltricks]

The mastermind is just as guilty as the minions.

[Gojo can't escape this one!1]

[unliminal]

[ Mastermind is a little generous...but it sounds kinda cool, so he won't protest. ]

If you say soooo! Then I'm guilty. And I'd do it again!

[ ...Sticking out his tongue, he teleports away again... ]